29 Comments
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K.J. Ramsey's avatar

This made me cry. 😭 oooof. I have some former friends I could say so many more things to, but I’m not sure I’ve gotten as close to “thank you” as you did, and that just GOT ME. Thank you, friend. Thank you for being you. And befriending me, knowing friendship can bring pain.

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Tabitha Panariso's avatar

I'm so grateful for your friendship, and the way I can trust your steadiness and honesty. It's a gift to me.

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K.J. Ramsey's avatar

I’m so grateful to know you.

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Breanne Rodgers's avatar

I know what this experience is like. Thank you for putting words to it. This is beautiful.

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Kristin Mockler Young's avatar

Tab, I am weeping. I can put a few different names on this story and also don't know what to do with it. Did you ever tell them? Do you keep trying to reach out? Do you just let them go, especially if they're the ones who made the separation? So many likely unanswered questions, but these have been on my heart lately. Sending you a hug that won't heal the hurt but will at least remind you you're not the only one. ❤️‍🩹

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Tabitha Panariso's avatar

It's comforting to know I'm not alone. Though I don't wish it on anyone. There are so many questions in navigating the loss of friendship. Sometimes, they stay unanswered.

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Bethny Ricks's avatar

This is so beautiful

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Jesie Steffes's avatar

So deeply resonant. Thank you for sharing, Tabitha

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The Intentional Closet's avatar

Oof. This was poignant and resonated with me. Thank you for tapping these words out.

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Laura and Tim's avatar

Tab, this is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing these words ❤️

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Bailey Gillespie's avatar

Beautiful and true. What an honor to say these words even if “they” never read them. 💛

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Sam Jolman's avatar

So good Tabitha. This resonated so much. I hear your invitation to honor vulnerable memory versus harbor resentment or feel like a fool. I need that.

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Heidi Tai's avatar

Beautiful and honest writing 🤍

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Leigh's avatar

I see faces flash through my mind as I read this. Faces I still love so dearly. ❤️

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Marquel Stuedemann's avatar

Tabitha - I resonate so deeply with this. Lost friendships are a grief often untouched. I've been almost 10 years without my best friend of the 10 years before that. And it still feel hard sometimes. Thank you for unpacking a little of your own story with that.

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Tabitha Panariso's avatar

They are untouched, aren't they? I'm so sorry. It's okay that it still feels hard sometimes.

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Rachel Macy Stafford's avatar

Grappling with this loss right now… and being the one who instigated the separation because I simply couldn’t forsake my values feels right, but no less painful. Thank you for such a healing perspective to reflect on.

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Tabitha Panariso's avatar

Yes! I don't think it matters which side of if it you end up on - it still hurts.

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Rachael Wade's avatar

Phew Tabitha. I can relate. THIS RESONATES. I have learned that when I think of "friends from before," to blow a kiss into the sky, wish them well, and say a prayer of blessing. Thank you for your words...thank you for your heart. Much love.

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Amy Brady's avatar

Sighhhhhh...I've been walking this for six months. Six months since my best friend of over 20 years walked away. She moved and didn't want to do the work of keeping our friendship alive and well. My desire to do just that became a burden to her. It's been like a death. My children lost an "auntie" too. I'm so grateful for her companionship, and yet I also realize the woman who gave that to me, to us, isn't the one who walked away. She's a stranger to me and so I had to let go. Thank you for sharing this. The pain of female friendships isn't talked about enough.

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Tabitha Panariso's avatar

Amy, I'm so sorry you're still in the thick of healing from that pain. I love that reframe though, that the one who walked away is a stranger to you versus the one you were able to be in relationship with. Thank you for sharing that.

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Amy Brady's avatar

Amber thank you for this. Knowing it’s not just me is comforting in some way. Yet I’m so sorry you two know this pain.

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Amber Saldivar's avatar

You’re welcome Amy! I’m glad it’s comforting to know you are not alone. 💕 I think it happens to the best of us, especially as we grow and evolve and transform. Not everyone is ready to do the same growing at the same time.

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Amber Saldivar's avatar

Amy I am so sorry this happened to you!! I also lost a friend of 20 years, a few years ago. It still makes me sad sometimes. 💔 sending healing hugs. ❤️‍🩹

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Amy Brady's avatar

And thank you for opening up the topic. I don’t usually share that personally but I just think we don’t share this pain enough as women.

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Jeannie Prinsen's avatar

This is beautiful but it hits hard, especially this time of year. My former friend's birthday is Mar. 28 while mine is April 9, and every year we would meet for brunch or coffee between those dates and exchange gifts, cards, and, well, our hearts. We were friends for 27 years before breaking up painfully 11 years ago. I admire the gracious place you've come to; I'm not there yet, but I've come a long way. Thanks for writing this. And your book looks wonderful.

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